Just Missed The Train
by AmethystB
Summary: {One-shot, songfic}I remember that day as if it were yesterday. It had happened a month ago, when the memory of my dad returning was still fresh in my mind, and Ryo had been my saviour...


**Amethyst Blizzard: **{cracks knuckles} Yet another virtuous one-shot coming your way peoples. I've had this idea floating around for ages but I couldn't actually type it out until I found enough inspiration for it…Anyway, it's not really a Ryuki as such but more of a reflective/kinda breaking-up fic.

Song-fic to the song "Just Missed The Train" by Kelly Clarkson (yet again). Rika's point of view, cause she's just so good to tweak ;). Can you feel her pain?! Doesn't need an explanation so just read. Italics are flashbacks, by the way.

**Disclaimer: **On behalf of all the dreamers out there, I sadly do not own Digimon or the two characters that appear in this imagined story. So all the admins can chill now.

**Floramon: **Yeah! I' m here too, ya know…

**Just Missed The Train**

* * *

My heart beat faster than the speeding train that flew past me with a screech. A gust of wind picked up behind it, blowing past me with an inexplicable force. I watched with a sense of numbness as the train disappeared into the darkness of the seemingly never-ending tunnel. I stopped running to catch my breath, the sudden realisation that I had just missed the train seeping into my head like water cascading down into a glass. I glanced up at the large clock above me and I squinted as, at that exact moment, another minute ticked by. Had I been there one single minute earlier, I would be on that train by now, resting my head gently against the cold window, relaxed and relieved I was finally on my way home. However, I knew that chance had been too far lost, not unlike many others in my life.

Alone in the empty subway, I suddenly felt cold, almost as if that gust of wind had only just seeped into my body, cooling my veins with extreme force. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to better circulate the blood within my body. I walked over to a paint-rusted bench and sat myself down, feeling sure that now I could give my mind some time to figure out exactly what had happened. I let out a breath of relief when my back gently touched the back of the bench. Closing my eyes, I let my thoughts roam over the day's events, trying to capture but a glimpse of hope, though to no avail, as none came fleetingly to me. I had finally ended it, so why wasn't I feeling any better?

There was a scratching sound next to me and I realised I wasn't the only one in the station; a tiny bird chirped as it scampered around looking for scraps of food. I sighed and closed my eyes once again, allowing my mind to shut out all noise and unwanted thought. Maybe what I was feeling was only the residue of everything, and I would feel better once I woke up tomorrow. I reasoned with myself and came to the conclusion that all regret would soon be cleared…but it felt deeper than that. I had hurt someone. I had hurt _him, _in my selfish need for independence. I sighed again and decided to start from the beginning, back to when I had first thought I had fallen in love with Ryo Akiyama.

**-**

**Roll over baby, the time has come**

**To make a little more room**

**I've hung around you, it's getting tough**

**I think I'm gonna break down soon**

**-**

_The sky was little more than a grey blur by the time I had reached the park. The rain pelted heavily down on me and I felt drenched and chilled to the bone, but I didn't really care. All I cared about now was running…running away from my house, my own sanctity, because it had been filled with a presence of unspeakable evil. That evil was my dad. _

_I stopped running when I reached a large sycamore tree and I sat down at its roots. I shifted my weight until I was comfortable enough to close my eyes and lean against the thick trunk. Thinking about my dad only brought on wet tears that threatened to fall so instead I focused my mind on the people that made me happy. First there was Jeri; a girl so innocent and yet all of that had been lost in the Digital World, and she still smiled even though I knew the pain remained. Then there was Takato; a gogglehead so full of dreams that I feared he would spend his life dreaming, even though he had made several come true already. Next was Henry; a boy so adept at philosophy and combat that I had to wonder which one he would choose to accept more. Suzie, Henry's sister, was as innocent as a reprimanded dog; she was more like a little sister to me, than a comrade._

_ Next came the two goggleheads, whom I thought of as inseparable; they would always be together no matter what, most likely screwing up and getting in trouble, though they were indispensable. Ai and Mako, whom I hardly knew, came to mind as the twins who would remain twins forever; they would never part each other, as least in the sense that they would never lose touch with each other. And then there was Ryo Akiyama…a boy whom I had known for a few years. He was…the part of me that I had been missing for those years my father had been missing. He was the part that reassured me…that told me I would never be in danger no matter where I was. He would be the one who always looked out for me; kind of like a Guardian Angel, he was. On the other hand, I hated him with all the hate I had. He had taken the place of my dad as the man in my life, and I feared history was doomed to repeat itself. I hated him…_hated _him. But what I hated most…was that he was standing before me when I opened my eyes. _

**-**

**I remember crying in the park**

**It was getting late**

**Suddenly I looked up**

**And you were my sky**

**-**

I remember that day as if it were yesterday. It had happened a month ago, when the memory of my dad returning was still fresh in my mind. Ryo had been my saviour; he was someone I could depend on in that time of need, so I accepted him gratefully. And now I see that it was the biggest mistake of my life.

_"Hey."_

_His cool voice seemed to drift to my ears like a reassuring wind seeping through my mind. He was always there when I needed him…always…_

We had talked that day, not just about my dad but also about how we felt about each other and how we had to find closure somehow. That closure came in the form of a kiss…my first kiss. It was strange…like something inside of me snapped and I realised that this _was _the part I had been missing. But it could not last, however, I did not know that then.

We had parted and then he had said goodbye to me, in that strange whisper of his, and I was left to pick up the pieces of the remnants of that day. That kiss tore at me…tore at my heart as well as my pride and I felt myself slipping into an unconscious state of loneliness. Was this the price…the price of loving?

**-**

**So go on and sleep darling**

**Why don't you pretend we were just a dream**

**It's cool baby**

**It doesn't matter anyway**

**-**

Weeks later, I had not seen him since, and I was forever inwardly beating myself up for letting that kiss happen. It was clear he did not return such feelings, for he had not called me or even acknowledged the fact that he had left me tearing out my heart. I had considered calling him, though in the end I decided it much more considerable to tell it to his face.

_Staring up at the large white door, I took a deep breath and swallowed my nerves. Punching the doorbell with my thumb, I let the tune ring before I took a step back from the door, not wanting to my bombarded when it opened. I heard the door creak, and there, standing in front of me, was Ryo himself. Clothed in khaki pants and a blue t-shirt, his expression turned into a sombre smile when he saw me. I had the sudden urge to punch him then and there; who was he to look at me like I was weak?_

_"Rika…"_

_I cut him off, deciding it was better to say it here, than to go inside his house and say it. "We can't do this. I'm sorry, but it's over, if it ever even began…"_

_Then I had made my exit, a mad run. I ran for miles, never looking behind or stopping to catch my breath until I was safe at the subway station…and staring at the receding train that was going to be my destination home. _

**-**

**I'm so sorry**

**We got to the station a little too late**

**It's such a shame**

**We just missed the train**

**-**

I opened my eyes and looked around the empty station. The small bird had since disappeared and I was once again alone. Alone…something that which I was sure was my destiny. It had to be…if all love really was, was this tugging in my heart. An echo resounded throughout the dark tunnel and I turned my head to see what it was. When nothing came, I assumed it was the wind whistling in the tunnel from the city streets of Kyushu…a long way from Shinjuku. I didn't know how long it would be before I was home again, but something told me it wouldn't be for a while.

I thought I had done the right thing…but now I wasn't so sure. I knew I had hurt him by ending it like that, but he had hurt me by starting it all. Maybe I just wasn't meant for loving…maybe I was meant for something more than that. I shrugged and closed my eyes again, leaning farther into the bench for comfort.

"Rika!"

My eyes sharply snapped open and I was aware…aware of Ryo running down the steps of the station, sweet dripping down his saturated chin. I stared silently, then turned my head away and closed my eyes, shutting him out. I did not want to hear his excuses.

**-**

**Be quiet angel, don't make a sound**

**Save it for a rainy day**

**Oh can't you see me, I'm such a mess**

**Trying hard to find my way**

**-**

"Rika, I didn't mean to hurt you…I just…"

"You just what, Ryo?" I cut him off, standing up forcefully and facing him…oh that gorgeous face… "You wanted to mess with my head so you could take advantage of my situation by pretending you cared?"

He slowed and stood in front of me, breathing heavily, yet controlling it. "No," he said softly and I was caught in between the desire to believe him and the urge to punch him. Instead I did neither, and let him explain. "When I kissed you, that was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, but I knew it couldn't happen. We're too young and too hurt by love to accept it yet."

I didn't buy any of it, though in my heart I knew it was true. We _were _too young and too hurt to really know love again, and to accept it with each other. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and closed my eyes, not wanting any more to fall. I felt a warm hand brushing away the tear and I didn't fight him, but I didn't accept him either. I just stood there while he hugged me, and comforted me.

**-**

**Do you remember wasting all that time**

**We were feeling fine**

**Though we couldn't walk a line**

**We were alright**

**-**

He talked to me, though I didn't know how much of it exactly was true and how much he just wanted to be true.

"For a long time I've protected you, but was never able to get close to you. You were always just out of my grasp and I thought of you as a cloud drifting farther and farther away from me every time I protected you," he stopped and it seemed as though he was reluctant to say anything more. I prompted him by burying my head in his chest, finally accepting his embrace. "When I finally did get close to you, I realised that it wasn't right and for all the wrong reasons. You were hurting and needed reassurance, but I gave it to the wrong way. You needed a friend, not a lover. That day, I was neither…and I'm sorry for that."

He was waiting for me to accept his apology, but I didn't know how to. We were both wrong, and I needed to apologise for that before I could accept his.

**-**

**So go on and sleep darling**

**Why don't you pretend we were just a dream**

**It's cool baby**

**It doesn't matter anyway**

**-**

Nothing in this world could be more beautiful than the love of a friend and I knew that now. However, I didn't know that it was for me. Being who I am, I had trained myself not to love and to rely on myself for my needs, but Ryo had changed that. All of my friends had changed that, and now I was a different person. I pulled away from him and straightened, wiping my eyes gingerly. Standing face to face with the man I loved brought me to a level of courage that I had never known before, and at the same time, I was scared to literal death.

Taking a deep breath and focusing on my apology, I composed myself enough to speak. "Ryo, I understand now why…everything had to happen the way it did, and I'm sorry for being too naive to see the reason why." Wow, that wasn't too hard.

**-**

**I'm so sorry**

**We got to the station a little too late**

**It's such a shame **

**We just missed the train**

**-**

I looked up at him and smiled. We both knew what we had to do. He lowered his head and rested his forehead against mine. "I forgive you." We said this in unison and I heard the unmistakeable whistle of a train…

…a train that passed us without slowing down. The residual wind followed and we laced our fingers together and breathed each other in.

**-**

**Oh, why did that train just pass us by?**

**Didn't anyone see**

**We were stuck at the light**

**Or we would've made it on time**

**-**

Now I know, that some things were meant to be…and others were simply not meant to be. It's as simple as the opposite and same ends of a magnet; one pair connects together perfectly, while the other pair will never quite fit together properly.

**-**

**So sleep darling**

**Why don't you pretend we were just a dream**

**It's cool baby **

**It doesn't matter anyway**

**I'm so sorry **

**We got to the station a little too late**

**It's such a shame**

**We just missed the train**

**-**

That train passed us by and now I know that sometimes you just have to let it go.

-

* * *

**A/N: **{clicks tongue} So how was that? And by the way, in case people didn't catch it, the train was a metaphoric term; I just added the real train in for effect ;) Metaphors people, they're consumin' me!

**Floramon: **And me too, see, I have this cut on my elbow that kinda won't heal…

**A/N: **Right…reviews are appreciated as usual!

Peace,

Amethyst


End file.
